Saturday, August 30, 2008


I have always been pretty good at rolling with the punches and pushing all my feelings aside to please others, but now I realize I have to come up with another coping mechanism before I explode. I know that life is not always fair and tragedy touches the majority of us at one point and time in our lives, but I realize I haven't allowed myself the time to digest the tragedy before I am moving on and pretending that all is well when it isn't.

I do know that there are so many who are suffering as I write this and I feel like I am being selfish for focusing on my pain but I realize I have to address it and work my way through. If I don't I know I won't get anywhere near HIGHER GROUND.

I think about what should be and is not and my heart aches, but I must find the strength to move on, but I ask myself what am I moving on too. I am tired of being in the same spot. I know I have to seek so I can find.



  1. Zuri's mom,
    I just read your story. My heart goes out to you.

    Your grief is still so fresh - hang in there. Search for beauty while you grieve. There is so much to learn through grief and in a strange sort of way, you are privileged to be called to suffer in that way.

    After I lost my second child - my baby Josiah - a friend of mind said to me (at the viewing) - "Lynnette, I envy you". At the time I thought - What? How can you envy my pain and heartache. What a strange thing to say. But later she explained...she said, "the closeness you share with the Lord through your heartache is beautiful. I wish I had that." It's in that way, we are privileged.

    When I think back over the loss of my two baby boys and my 6 year old daughter, I have fond memories of the spiritual life I had during that time and I now have a basis of comparison and continually try to get back to that spiritual state.

    So, I just wanted to take a moment to encourage you and say - even though you feel, right now, as though your heart will never heal and you'll always be sad...that's not the case. You will heal with more time...leave a single set of footprints and remember how the Lord carried you through because the deep grief leaves, but the blessings from these days will remain and your love for the Lord will be even stronger as you remember his help and the perspective that he gave.

    I'll pray for you today - I promise.


  2. your loss was so recent. be gentle with yourself there is plenty of time to move on just be and breath for now. you'll move on when you are ready.

  3. Dear Higher Ground.
    I sit here with tears in my eyes and so much pain in my chest for you.
    Your writing is so beautiful and real, and yet so unfair that you even have to write this.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I wished there was a way to take the pain away, but I know there is not.

    So I will instead be here for you to read your words and hopefully ease some of your pain through love and support.
    I hope you keep writing. Don’t ever worry about writing too much here, This is your place for release. I know for me when the world wants me to be okay, I can be a mess on my blog. It can be such a gift.
    I’m so sorry it gets worse before it gets worse, the initial shock and pain is just the begining and I hate that not many people understand that. But there are people here who understand. I hope your reaching out.
    My deepest heartfelt prayers go out to you.
    ~gentle hug's~

  4. I just want you to know that yesterday was "National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day" in the united states.
    I lit a candle and remembered you.

  5. I just want you to know that you are in my prayers